Series of Love: If I Loved You

We have all had the chance to live, love, and lose. Some we wished we loved a little harder (maybe they would've stayed), a little less (to not look needy), and some not all (these are the ones we blame for the 15 pounds gained or lost). Either way we've all had hot and steamy or cold and dry sessions of love. From each experience we hoped that we learned something, anything that would keep us from making or keep us making the same decision over again.

Well, I'm going to attempt to tap into those sessions. April 14, 2007--I was lucky enough to look at a card full of writing prompts for love. Those prompts are turning into beautiful poems that take us back to uncontrollable leg shaking, needing rehab cuz we're in so deep, or maybe just a reason to admit, "Hell, we ain't together for a good a$$ reason!"

The first poem I wrote at the workshop. Welcome to the series...Enjoy!!


If I Loved You

than heartache would've stayed
outside cold and wet
singing the blues that i hear now

if i loved you
than setting fire to the place
where you slept
would've been a bad dream
instead of the reality
that has me handcuffed to
a dead thought

if i loved you
i wouldn't be so eager
to remove the very essence
of you from my personal space
YES, the window had to go--
you touched it once

you told me empty words
of faith-fully going to
every warm kiss
straying from home
and still i didn't care

now don't you think if i loved you--
please, i don't know why
i'm writing this...
i still don't

(To be continued.....)

Family Reunion

(the following is poem from my upcoming book "Conversations at my Sister's Dinner Table")

Lost Somewhere

We had the best fights any
Two country girls could ever have
Throwing collard greens and cornbread
Wrestling in the front lawn
Yeah I lied but it was funny
To watch you get in trouble

We smiled after
Thinking about the times we sold mud pies
Climb trees in church dresses
Had to watch TV on our belly for a few days

We laughed hard
When my period came during P.E.
And I told you I was dying
How you managed to fall up stairs
And how that damn cat always sat on top of Tee’s truck

We were pissed together
When my date was an hour late
Drove with the window down
And messed up my hair
When Lillian was on another trip
When we realized nobody gave a shit but us

We went to college
Forgot our tears
Forgot our laughter
Forgot our pain
And grew apart
But now that we’re talking again
Those times really aren’t important

I recently went to a Family Reunion. For years my family could be counted on one hand (okay my niece came so now I use two).
Six. That was the number I could always count on to be there whether I was laughing, crying, or in the words of my sister never acting my age. I mean really if you stop laughing life is just...dull. I was the child in class who could never do a family tree because I had no idea who I came from.
Seventeen. The number of years I was kept from so many pieces of myself. The years of never hearing stories of my grandmother or knowing that my great grandfather had fourteen children!! Years of wondering, is there anyone out there who loves us, remembers us, remembers mama.
Eight. The number of reunions we happen to miss because of some woman who decided that itobviously wasn't important. Nothing she did or does really surprises me. She is just evil or I could branch out and use my expanded vocabulary and say uniquely special.
Two. The number of times I cried when I was there. Happy for the simply fact that I looked over a sea of beautiful black faces in the middle of a banquet and said HI EVERYBODY!! They all said hi back. Wow
Like the poem says, anything prior isn't really that important; the gap has been filled.

I AM A DECEDENT OF JOSEPH HARRISON AND LUNA VENABLE. (my great-grand parents)

The Struggle

My son opened a fortune cookie and it said--Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in.
Being the word monger that I am, I held onto it, taped inside my journal. When you think about it, those simple words are the purest truth we can ever hold on to. Why?

We struggle to raise children in a way better than ourselves but not so full of themselves that they forget the word 'thank you'.
We struggle to make changes on a job we love but employees we could probably live without. Being a teacher, I struggle to make a difference because I firmly believe that I can give my students something more.
I want to force them to drink. But Knowledge should go down smooth...ice tea on mama's back porch.

We struggle to make sense of that child who broke the mold and will drive that mother to insanity.
We struggle to understand the real reason to why some fathers won't stay and why some mother's won't leave.
Family isn't just DNA, it's Divine Negotiation of Attitude. Sometimes different strands don't mix. We struggle when our bodies are weak and the alarm clock is going off...we are being called to provide.
We struggle to make it simply longer on tomorrow because today we gave in.
We struggle to understand the war, is there meaning behind it; blood still sheds so there must be.
We struggle in relationships on those bad days, we know we shouldn't have said it but we are still in love.
Everyday we cry, we fall, we pray, we fight, we love, we win, we lose. But all would be in vain if we didn't see the meaning.
If we didn't take the time to acknowledge this is not my burden this in my blessing and I will die before I let it get away from me!!

all of this from a few words on small scrap of paper...