Peace of Mind??

"they" want us to find peace b/t
sanity and shit
realizing not everyone is full of it
but politicans do no time
for crimes committed
and Genalow Wilson
did 10 years for consenual sex
and i bet
tax dollars will continue
to spend &
blood sheds daily
on a war that won't end &
Katrina victims are still called refugees &
black madams
have senators pants below knees

America has lost her mind
full coverage on Paris in jail
was she beat?
on CBS NBC on @ 8, 9, & 10 &
breakin news w/ coffee before the
morning commute &
Darfur comes on news @ 11
2 clips @ night

waking to empty
classroom discussions
was the Holocaust real?
Who is Marcus Garvey?
Sharing textbooks
color a picture of Dr. King
in Kindergarten
hear his speech in 9th
Black History Month over
He HAD a dream

"they" want us to find peace b/t
sanith and shit & we
sell our souls to pay mortgage
living in beautiful empty shells
got the house &
no place to sit
cuz all the damn money is gone

intelligent black mothers
are the number one hustlers
mulitasking
balancing checkbooks
diaper changes
football games
while daddy isn't there
or is and needs balancing too

social experiences still tell boys don't cry
making locked in tears
fist marks on his wife
he wasn't taught how to feel

little girls use "it" to gain comfort
stay by him "he'll learn"
a man will always be inscribed in their
DNA
told when it falls apart
that they must change

"they" want us to find peace b/t
sanity and shit
and single mothers are
forced to leave young children
jail or die
heartless talks of
firstborn means nothing
we have to find other ways to
continue the name

rules steady changing...

more time is spent
trying to control
who you sex
while DC residents still can't vote
sitting like children
on punishment
waiting to hear direction
for their country

daily we fall from grace
In God We Trust they want removed
Prayer's not allowed in school
wisdom a lost tool
"they" tell us were safe no fear
& we're not sure we're wanted here

black goys still don't shed tears

hide us behind lies &
we know the end is near

My soul cries out to God!

Now I lay us down to sleep
I pray the Lord our souls to keep
and if we die before we wake
Please, Lord, let us go in Peace...

Series of Love: Broken Heart Cliche

We've all been there. Thought long and hard over what we did and came to the conclusion that the end we can pray we're smarter than what we were when it started. We sat with friends late nights saying we'd never be a cliche. We knew what was there was real, when that promise of forever was only for right now. In the end, it's another heart broken....With this poem the series ends. I hope you have enjoyed the journey.

Broken Heart Cliché

See for you
I drew rainbows
Wrote my name in crayons
Finger-painted on your body
Took naps before recess
Sat out during dodge ball
To watch you play

See for you
I wrote beautiful melodies
Promised you forever
And all of me
Shed clothes a second skin
Whenever the time
It was never ending
But now
Now I write eulogies
Burying what I thought was love
In a shoebox in the back yard
Small burial of stars and freedom
Lust filled nights in movie theaters
Love making sessions to candlelight
We did it all

See for you
I said monogamy
Threw the welcome mat away
Closed the peephole
And gave you a key
Dinners left cold on tables
Oven no longer heating
Microwave busted
Being overused night after night
Of you not coming home

See for you
I changed my address
Moved to an unknown space
Waiting for the moment
It would be our place
Instead it became
This hollowed out shell
We were forced to reside in
Hiding the fact that you loved in
Another whose name was not mine

See for you
I altered my dress
Trophy on your arm
So proud to show others what you had
When in reality, you were having everyone else
And I a fool to believe
That your looks were
What men did

I lost weight
Not because I couldn’t eat
My hair styled to perfection
Fell from the heat
Walking sideways
Running over the words
"I'll do better"
"You’re the one"
"Next time it’ll be different"

See for you
I embraced vows
Left-handed waves
Keeping in my vision
A reminder of our trust

See for you
I lost mind
Held tight to madness
Got use to it
Your excuses I accepted
And mistakes I put
In the attic

Broken record in my ear
Cd with a crack jammed
In the radio
I couldn’t get you out
I sipped slow on
Corn liquor
Burning my chest hoping
To singe that piece of my heart
Attached to you

I sat on county swings
Puffing cigars
And choked when I saw you in the smoke


Damn you were everywhere
The coffee tasted like dishwater
Honey iced tea was just a bag
I held on my tongue hoping
I could make something happen
My favorite spot had our names carved
So I burned it down
And left my heart as the tip

Series of Love: In Love All Over Your Body

I think this poem speaks for itself.

In love all over your body

u seduce me w/out even knowin that you're doing it
dreams of late nite pillow talk
replace the reality of you bein gone
i walk with a glow
hoping my mind doesn't blow
filled w/ beautiful
cuz in my smile it shows
you have captured my being
placed it gently against your chest to be seen
nursing the time it takes to make it
willing to take it further
if we speak it

we cherish it
this newfoundland
took the plan and
made it so much better
took simplicity as gold
bold enough to put heart on paper
strong enough to take this hollowed out shell
& fill it with magic

thinking of you often
in your eyes im lost
not wanting the maze to end
secretly ive loved you
but giving myself the chance to be your
best friend
i write lyrics on you
take u to open mics
delight in the applause
you are my masterpiece

you inhale &
i breath out blessings
not stressin over what it aint
cuz what of it is

don't change
keep me halfcrazy
your hands my heartbeat
i live to be a part of your life
shock me everyday with surprises &
gentle tears fall down my eyes &
onto your face
my place is only right...by you
turning sweat from
love making into diamonds
you wear them on your ears
fears lessen
& new lessons
are strapped on my feet
walking on jazz beats

we lived in winter
the blues left in spring
summer rain cleansed us both
& fall into each other's skin

Why I Teach

For those of you who know I wrote a poem called Why I Teach. But today those words were outdone by a true story. My first year in Woodbridge I had the pleasure of meeting Jonathan. Ooh he was unique in every way! We battled. He cursed me out. There was even one time I took off my earrings, my heels, and chased him down the hall. Why? I simply asked him to sit down and was told in very colorful language what he wasn't going to do. Well, humph, I knew he bumped his head and I showed him what crazy looked like. Laughing, huh. Well, I tell you, having him not one but two years was INTERESTING. He eventually became my project child and then my adopted son. I did everything in my power to keep him together: i tutored him, made sure he showed at work, yes I took it beyond the classroom, beyond the teaching hours and made it personal. Well, you can't watch everyone all the time and that one time I didn't, he got into a fight and was expelled. I spent all this time thinking what in the world did I do wrong!? I lead him like I'd do NaShawn, but you know what they say. You can lead a horse to water...
Today Jonathan showed up. Came into my room, looked me in my eyes and told me I was his favorite teacher. Thanked me for everything I did for him and gave me a hug. He told me that he's working on his GED and thinking about enlisting in the service. I was shocked. I was almost moved to tears. This student, made it his mission to find me and tell this after TWO years. This child had it together. The eye contact alone, was amazing. (For those of you with military background or who know of those in service) Yes, he stood at attention and even said "Thank you for not giving up on me". I was humbled.
In that moment it was confirmed that I was going to continue to lead them there. Take them by the hand and let them know they are bigger, better, and smarter than what is before them. They may not drink when its time, but when they do its that much better because they are doing it out of intrinsic motivation and not for anyone else.

It's hard work to teach heart, but it can be taught.

Series of Love: It Wasn't Exactly Love

Wow. I'm at it again. So what do you do when you're not really "into" someone but out of usefulness of the person you deal? I believe there are some out there in this position where 16 words doesn't fit the picture. When the passion leaves or was never there and the rest of time is spent coping. What do you say to those people who want to run and do it constantly into a wall? How hard do you hold onto someone when even with a loose grip, they wouldn't go anyway? Did love leave or was it just a need to have someone rather than no one at all?

It Wasn't Exactly Love

...when I called and said you got me
we tapped around expressing ourselves
slowly measuring with broken rulers
if this could be
i could deal with you
pretend the dinners meant something
while my stomach turned at the thought
of you touching me later
we jumped the broom & used it
to clean up too many
nights of sleeping apart
forgetful to what it truly takes to
make it work
we got use to each other
we talked when arguing
put make up sex
on the mantle
that energy passed through us
& we thought it was love
i didn't say for better
because there was never going to be
we shared a space
fooled the world
& had our own personal hell
was this all to offer
we had nothing left
filled our lives with schedules &
to do lists
everything needed to be planned
sex on Wed worked for us
more time was spent making up
the we lost each other
we were just too different
short answers needed but only
mulitple choice existed
2 answers didn't apply &
left us with A or B
we just quit and never answered the question
irreconcilable differences
there wasn't a union
we just had no place else to go

(to be continued)

Series of Love: Taste of Love

We fall in love, call our best friends, and the first thing they want to know is what does it feel like? Why does love always have to feel like something? If I was in love, I'd want to smell it, hear it, see it, and taste it. Let it be the aroma that wakes me to work hard. Let it be that favorite rhyme I hum without thinking, it just comes. Let it be a beautiful painting, a golden sunset, a star filled sky, a half moon. Let it be every part of the senses used to make love work.

What would yours taste like?

I think mine would be like this....

Taste of Love

my love passed me a jar
placed the edge on my lip & i drank
it went down

smooth w/ edges
bits of shaved sweet roasting almonds

hot w/a sour aftertaste like day old soup or cough drops

sweet w/hints of peppermint
that freshness i held under my tongue

a spicy sunburst of tangerine
syrupy thick molasses blanket

it was warm
vanilla flavored coffee
a serving of sweet potato pudding
savory buttered cornbread
homemade apple pie
& extra sweet ice tea

a drop fell on my lips & my love hungrily kissed me
we don't waste

(to be continued)

Series of Love: 16 Words for Love

Someone out there loves so much that its hard to put it into existence. Nothing seems as high as the feeling knowing this is the one, this is my second heartbeat. For those whose breathing match miles apart, whose eyes gaze at nothing seeing their lover, whose mind is only filled with ways to give of themselves; this poem is for you.

If at any moment I failed to capture that moment of being divinely blessed, I apologize. For what I write, I seek.

16 words

There are 16 words for love
to capture the moment of being
more than friends
combining ways to end madness & confusion
crossing the lines
to blend names
no longer being the same lonely
picture but a portrait of what is to come

Compromise- not holding your tongue
to make peace taking it piece by piece
recreating a stable environment

Waiting- for what is meant to come
naturally letting
hands find the womb birthing newness

Understanding- that boundless boxes
surround you
16 ways to seduce
16 ways to purge
yourself new baptized
into each other

16 ways to say I Love You
in the morning
16 ways to say goodnight
16 ways to remix the moves
keeping the walls in shock
to what 2 bodies do next

That space your time
do it again
play it year round
make it a holiday
say loudly " baby it's time"

16 ways to speak revolution of love
lettin words tap dance on ear drums
that beat keep scared walk
around w/ heart sounds in your head,

16 ways to show the honeymoon is
not over

16 words.....

16 words to respect, honor, trust, obey,
be faithful, show character, encourage,
motivate, entice, tease, sweat, taste,
breathe, capture, desire, & build
Love.

To be continued...

Series of Love: If I Loved You

We have all had the chance to live, love, and lose. Some we wished we loved a little harder (maybe they would've stayed), a little less (to not look needy), and some not all (these are the ones we blame for the 15 pounds gained or lost). Either way we've all had hot and steamy or cold and dry sessions of love. From each experience we hoped that we learned something, anything that would keep us from making or keep us making the same decision over again.

Well, I'm going to attempt to tap into those sessions. April 14, 2007--I was lucky enough to look at a card full of writing prompts for love. Those prompts are turning into beautiful poems that take us back to uncontrollable leg shaking, needing rehab cuz we're in so deep, or maybe just a reason to admit, "Hell, we ain't together for a good a$$ reason!"

The first poem I wrote at the workshop. Welcome to the series...Enjoy!!


If I Loved You

than heartache would've stayed
outside cold and wet
singing the blues that i hear now

if i loved you
than setting fire to the place
where you slept
would've been a bad dream
instead of the reality
that has me handcuffed to
a dead thought

if i loved you
i wouldn't be so eager
to remove the very essence
of you from my personal space
YES, the window had to go--
you touched it once

you told me empty words
of faith-fully going to
every warm kiss
straying from home
and still i didn't care

now don't you think if i loved you--
please, i don't know why
i'm writing this...
i still don't

(To be continued.....)

Family Reunion

(the following is poem from my upcoming book "Conversations at my Sister's Dinner Table")

Lost Somewhere

We had the best fights any
Two country girls could ever have
Throwing collard greens and cornbread
Wrestling in the front lawn
Yeah I lied but it was funny
To watch you get in trouble

We smiled after
Thinking about the times we sold mud pies
Climb trees in church dresses
Had to watch TV on our belly for a few days

We laughed hard
When my period came during P.E.
And I told you I was dying
How you managed to fall up stairs
And how that damn cat always sat on top of Tee’s truck

We were pissed together
When my date was an hour late
Drove with the window down
And messed up my hair
When Lillian was on another trip
When we realized nobody gave a shit but us

We went to college
Forgot our tears
Forgot our laughter
Forgot our pain
And grew apart
But now that we’re talking again
Those times really aren’t important

I recently went to a Family Reunion. For years my family could be counted on one hand (okay my niece came so now I use two).
Six. That was the number I could always count on to be there whether I was laughing, crying, or in the words of my sister never acting my age. I mean really if you stop laughing life is just...dull. I was the child in class who could never do a family tree because I had no idea who I came from.
Seventeen. The number of years I was kept from so many pieces of myself. The years of never hearing stories of my grandmother or knowing that my great grandfather had fourteen children!! Years of wondering, is there anyone out there who loves us, remembers us, remembers mama.
Eight. The number of reunions we happen to miss because of some woman who decided that itobviously wasn't important. Nothing she did or does really surprises me. She is just evil or I could branch out and use my expanded vocabulary and say uniquely special.
Two. The number of times I cried when I was there. Happy for the simply fact that I looked over a sea of beautiful black faces in the middle of a banquet and said HI EVERYBODY!! They all said hi back. Wow
Like the poem says, anything prior isn't really that important; the gap has been filled.

I AM A DECEDENT OF JOSEPH HARRISON AND LUNA VENABLE. (my great-grand parents)

The Struggle

My son opened a fortune cookie and it said--Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in.
Being the word monger that I am, I held onto it, taped inside my journal. When you think about it, those simple words are the purest truth we can ever hold on to. Why?

We struggle to raise children in a way better than ourselves but not so full of themselves that they forget the word 'thank you'.
We struggle to make changes on a job we love but employees we could probably live without. Being a teacher, I struggle to make a difference because I firmly believe that I can give my students something more.
I want to force them to drink. But Knowledge should go down smooth...ice tea on mama's back porch.

We struggle to make sense of that child who broke the mold and will drive that mother to insanity.
We struggle to understand the real reason to why some fathers won't stay and why some mother's won't leave.
Family isn't just DNA, it's Divine Negotiation of Attitude. Sometimes different strands don't mix. We struggle when our bodies are weak and the alarm clock is going off...we are being called to provide.
We struggle to make it simply longer on tomorrow because today we gave in.
We struggle to understand the war, is there meaning behind it; blood still sheds so there must be.
We struggle in relationships on those bad days, we know we shouldn't have said it but we are still in love.
Everyday we cry, we fall, we pray, we fight, we love, we win, we lose. But all would be in vain if we didn't see the meaning.
If we didn't take the time to acknowledge this is not my burden this in my blessing and I will die before I let it get away from me!!

all of this from a few words on small scrap of paper...

While in Church

Ever paid attention to how people act in church? It really is amazing how people who curse up a storm hold it in, the sassy dies down, and the most flirtatious individual seems "normal". As soon as you hit the ground, the radio station changes, best behavior is a must, and all the drama of the world seems to be put aside. I mean if you really think about it, church is where we are what we try to be all the time. Then Monday comes, your boss gets on your nerves and while in the group of coworkers they become the B%^$3# A#$ slave driver who keeps you working overtime. Your friends are the trifling ones who you sometimes talk about behind their back, and that checking account that was not a concern on Sunday becomes the biggest burden around noon. What if we carried ourselves like everywhere we went was church? What if we helped those we didn't know without question? What if we complimented instead of complained? Donated instead of saying we didn't have (you know you just went and bought something)? Think about it, if we walked like everyday was Sunday; curse words would be fiddlefaddle all day, drama would be "Give it to God and don't worry about it", and that awful outfit would be corrected instead of laughed at. All this came to mind when I saw some of the students, who usually run a muck at school, on their best behavior in the House. I bet if we did than so much would be different. We might even be happier and a little less stressed. Just something to think about.